Sakit Jiwa

i decided to see my family doctor over the weekend. although my blood pressure remained slightly high, i’m happy to learn that it has reduced. because he’s my regular physician, i find it effortless to confide. he confirmed my suspicions. i was indeed mentally and emotionally unwell. the physical pain is only a by-product of what’s actually eating me up inside.

we talked, discussed and he suggested remedies. whenever he hit a raw nerve in me, i guffawed nervously.  i was impressed and extremely amazed at his diagnosis.

finally, he shook his head and looked at me, gravely concerned. “i know you too well, L. i’ve seen you through different phases of your life and this is definitely not the real you. we have to do something about this.”

i felt deeply touched. it’s heartwarming to hear him say that blatantly. i had to fight back angry tears. why did i allow myself to be reduced into a mush? indeed this is not the real me. i’ve always been in control. how did i fall off my horse? why am i finding it hard to get back on? i should be like the phoenix, rising from the ashes. not frustrated, depressed and moping around like some boneless weakling! leave whatever doesn’t concern me and go with the flow. let nature take its own course. what will be, will be.

okie dokie,  i’ve started on proper medications now. top of the list, Dr Fong prescribed some relaxant to bring down the blood pressure. will be seeing him again in a month’s time for a review. hopefully with that in check, the rest will follow suit – nicely. insyaa allaah.